He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
