I wanna bring you to show and tell
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
