I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
