You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Less talking, more tequila
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Congratulations! We have a period
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