Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
