I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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