Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
