sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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