Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
