this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We had to coat check the pizza.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
