Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
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I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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