I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
