Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
