Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
