Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
