I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
