I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
