Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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