I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
