shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
