I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
