See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
