I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
