marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
