I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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