tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
