Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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