Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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