i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
