just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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