I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
