she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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