A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
