It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
