I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
