so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
