Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
