If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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