I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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