absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
