you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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