If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
