I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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