she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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