why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
