Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
