ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
this beer tastes like vomit already
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
