when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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