I wish I could teleport
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
