I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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