i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm both gender and math confused
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
