Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ketchup is God's man juice
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
