I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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