thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
