After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
