dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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