Yo dont text me then not text me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
