Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
