Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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