i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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