my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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