why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
