i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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