totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
