So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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